“Kas sa oskad ujuda?”
“Muidugi oskan. Ma ujun pärast hästi.”
“Kus sa ujuma õppisid?”
“Rumal küsimus. Vees loomulikult.”
“Muidugi oskan. Ma ujun pärast hästi.”
“Kus sa ujuma õppisid?”
“Rumal küsimus. Vees loomulikult.”
Visar inlägg med etikett humor. Visa alla inlägg
Visar inlägg med etikett humor. Visa alla inlägg
Word play: Willy-nilly
The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. One of the winners is:
Thanks to the Episcopal Padre!
Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.The English language needs this...
Thanks to the Episcopal Padre!
Intellectual joke
There are two types of people in this world: Those that can extrapolate to find missing information.
Det är härligt att vara man, därför att…
... en femdagars semester innebär en liten, nätt övernattningsväska
Källa: rl.se
Jar number 47
A new doctor had arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody. Everyone was amazed with what he could do - everyone except for Mr. Thompson, the town skeptic. Grumpy old Mr. Thompson went to visit this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special.
When it was time for his appointment he told the doctor, "Hey, doc, I've lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin' to do?"
The doctor scratched his head and mumbled to himself a little, then told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47." So the doctor brought the jar out, opened it, and told Mr. Thompson to taste it.
He tasted it and immediately spit it out, "This is gross!" he yelled.
"Looks like I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Thompson," said the doctor.
So Mr. Thompson went home.... very mad.
One month later, Mr. Thompson decides to go back to the doctor and try once again to expose him as a fake, by complaining of a new problem.
"Doc," he started, "I can't remember anything!"
Thinking he had the doctor stumped now, he waited as the doctor scratched his head, mumbled to himself a little, and told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47, it's..."
But before the doctor could finish his sentence, Mr. Thompson was cured and fled the room.
When it was time for his appointment he told the doctor, "Hey, doc, I've lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin' to do?"
The doctor scratched his head and mumbled to himself a little, then told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47." So the doctor brought the jar out, opened it, and told Mr. Thompson to taste it.
He tasted it and immediately spit it out, "This is gross!" he yelled.
"Looks like I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Thompson," said the doctor.
So Mr. Thompson went home.... very mad.
One month later, Mr. Thompson decides to go back to the doctor and try once again to expose him as a fake, by complaining of a new problem.
"Doc," he started, "I can't remember anything!"
Thinking he had the doctor stumped now, he waited as the doctor scratched his head, mumbled to himself a little, and told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47, it's..."
But before the doctor could finish his sentence, Mr. Thompson was cured and fled the room.
Thanks to MadPriest!
Ihmeellinen onnettomuus
Nainen ja mies joutuvat auto-onnettomuuteen keskenään; se on tosi paha onnettomuus, molempien autot romuttuvat totaalisesti, mutta kuin ihmeen kaupalla, kumpikaan heistä ei ole loukkaantunut.
He ryömivät ulos autoistaan, nainen sanoo miehelle: "No niin, sinä olet mies, sepäs mielenkiintoista. Ja minä olen nainen, mikä sattuma. Ja vau, katso meidän autojamme! Niistä ei ole mitään jäljellä, mutta me emme loukkaantuneet. Tämä on ihme! Tämän täytyy olla merkki Jumalalta, että meidän kuului tavata näin ja tutustua ja viettää yhdessä koko loppu ikäämme!"
Mies vastaa: "Olen täysin samaa mieltä, tämän täytyy olla merkki Jumalalta!"
Nainen jatkaa: "Ja katsopas tänne, tässä on toinen ihme! Autoni on täysin romuttunut, mutta tämä viinipullo ei mennyt rikki! Olen varma, että Jumala haluaa meidän juovan tämän viinin ja juhlivan sillä hyvää onneamme!"
Nainen ojentaa pullon miehelle, mies nyökkää myöntymisen merkiksi, avaa pullon ja juo siitä puolet ja ojentaa sitten pullon takaisin naiselle. Nainen ottaa sen ja laittaa korkin saman tien kiinni ja ojentaa pullon takaisin miehelle.
Mies kysyy: "Etkö sinä aio ottaa yhtään?"
Johon nainen vastaa: "E-en usko, taidan vain odottaa poliisia..."
He ryömivät ulos autoistaan, nainen sanoo miehelle: "No niin, sinä olet mies, sepäs mielenkiintoista. Ja minä olen nainen, mikä sattuma. Ja vau, katso meidän autojamme! Niistä ei ole mitään jäljellä, mutta me emme loukkaantuneet. Tämä on ihme! Tämän täytyy olla merkki Jumalalta, että meidän kuului tavata näin ja tutustua ja viettää yhdessä koko loppu ikäämme!"
Mies vastaa: "Olen täysin samaa mieltä, tämän täytyy olla merkki Jumalalta!"
Nainen jatkaa: "Ja katsopas tänne, tässä on toinen ihme! Autoni on täysin romuttunut, mutta tämä viinipullo ei mennyt rikki! Olen varma, että Jumala haluaa meidän juovan tämän viinin ja juhlivan sillä hyvää onneamme!"
Nainen ojentaa pullon miehelle, mies nyökkää myöntymisen merkiksi, avaa pullon ja juo siitä puolet ja ojentaa sitten pullon takaisin naiselle. Nainen ottaa sen ja laittaa korkin saman tien kiinni ja ojentaa pullon takaisin miehelle.
Mies kysyy: "Etkö sinä aio ottaa yhtään?"
Johon nainen vastaa: "E-en usko, taidan vain odottaa poliisia..."
Tästä nappasin ...
Word play: Cashtration
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. One of the winners is:
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
The English language needs this...
Thanks to the Episcopal Padre!
Skillnaden mellan kvinnor och män
På middag
När notan kommer så slänger killarna varsin hundring på bordet trots att räkningen bara uppgår till 200 spänn sammanlagt. Ingen av dem har mindre och ingen vill erkänna att de vill ha växel tillbaka. När tjejerna får sin nota så åker miniräknaren fram blixtsnabbt.
När notan kommer så slänger killarna varsin hundring på bordet trots att räkningen bara uppgår till 200 spänn sammanlagt. Ingen av dem har mindre och ingen vill erkänna att de vill ha växel tillbaka. När tjejerna får sin nota så åker miniräknaren fram blixtsnabbt.
Källa: rl.se
Barn skriver till Gud
Käre Gud. Talade folk verkligen så där konstigt på Bibelns tid?
- Sofia, 12 år
How many inches?
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up a month ago on the M50. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but... something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your penis was chopped off in the crash, and we were unable to find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got £9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new penis that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap, it's £1000 an inch."
The man perks up at this.
"So," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."
The man agrees to talk with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day.
"So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"
"I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you in making the decision?"
"She has," says the man.
"And what is it?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting a new kitchen."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got £9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new penis that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap, it's £1000 an inch."
The man perks up at this.
"So," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."
The man agrees to talk with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day.
"So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"
"I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you in making the decision?"
"She has," says the man.
"And what is it?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting a new kitchen."
Thanks to MadPriest!
On a blind date
During an excruciatingly dull evening on a blind date, a man was relieved when his mobile phone finally rang. He'd arranged with a friend to call him so he could have an excuse to leave early if the date was a disaster.
He took the call and when he ended it, he lowered his eyes and with a grim expression announced, "I've had bad news. My grandfather has just died."
"Thank heavens!" his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to."
He took the call and when he ended it, he lowered his eyes and with a grim expression announced, "I've had bad news. My grandfather has just died."
"Thank heavens!" his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to."
Thanks to MadPriest!
Orättvisa begravningar
Det var begravningskaffe hemma hos Lena som blivit änka för tredje gången. Alla männen hade kremerats. Gästerna satt och småpratade när fröken Andersson snörpte på munnen och viskade till sin bordsgranne:
- Det finns mycket orättvisa i världen. Somliga kan aldrig få tag i en karl medan andra har så de kan elda med dem!
- Det finns mycket orättvisa i världen. Somliga kan aldrig få tag i en karl medan andra har så de kan elda med dem!
Från Facebook, förstås...
The newly married sailor
A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year.
A few weeks after he got there, he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter. "My love," he wrote, "we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that, we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. A hobby of some sort would certainly help me resist temptation."
So his wife sent him back a harmonica, saying, "Why don't you learn to play this?"
Eventually, his tour of duty came to and end and he rushed back to his wife. "Darling," he said, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we can make passionate love!"
She kissed him and said, "First, let's see you play that harmonica."
A few weeks after he got there, he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter. "My love," he wrote, "we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that, we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. A hobby of some sort would certainly help me resist temptation."
So his wife sent him back a harmonica, saying, "Why don't you learn to play this?"
Eventually, his tour of duty came to and end and he rushed back to his wife. "Darling," he said, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we can make passionate love!"
She kissed him and said, "First, let's see you play that harmonica."
Thanks to MadPriest!
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